Dating in the City
I’m gonna be honest… this blog post isn’t going to be giving advice about dating. It isn’t going to be hearts and roses. Dating sucks. Dating means putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, meeting someone great, sharing parts of yourself with them, and then having it suddenly end. First I should break down the different “levels” of dating.
Something I think is total bullshit is how dating is interpreted by people in 2018. To me, if I’m dating someone I could also be dating another person. Dating is casual to me. But my interpretation of dating is what most people like to call “seeing someone” or “talking to someone.” There are so many strict rules and defined lines in our society when it comes to romantic relationships. If I have gone on 3 or more dates with a person, I’m dating them. If someday we decide to stop seeing other people and put a label on things, then I’m in a relationship with them. It seems pretty black and white to me but in 2018, the lines are blurred.
There are many unfortunate things about dating in the city. The first? Dating apps. I feel so much disconnect when I meet someone on a screen. How am I supposed to know if I’m genuinely attracted to you? How am I to know you won’t murder me when we meet? Then when you think you’ve met a great guy and you’ve been seeing each other a month or two, you neglect your apps… And what happens then? You neglect your matches and when you become single once again, you have to delete and re-download them as to show you are “connected” once again.
As if dating apps weren’t so awful, try meeting someone in the city organically. Let me paint you a picture: you and your best gal pals decide to dress up, look nice, and go to a bar. You think “yes, let me finally meet some tall, dark, handsome stranger to sweep me off my feet just like in the movies.” But I’ve got some bad news… this isn't the movies and guys generally don’t approach girls in real life. You may say, “maybe they just don’t approach YOU Hannah.” … No. They don’t approach even my hottest girlfriends. Dating in a city that is disconnected from real life and so integrated in a virtual reality is near impossible.
I think, ultimately, the thing that sucks the most is actually meeting someone you like and having your heart broken. I know this because it’s happened to me so many times these last few years. You meet a guy and you hit it off. He loves craft beer? You both religiously watch Game of Thrones? You’ve got three mutual friends?! WOW, so much in common. You go on dates and he does little things that make you feel special like the way he tells you to stay in bed while he goes to work or when he asks permission to kiss you and tells you how beautiful you are. These are the little things that lead you to believe there is something more than just a dating app. After 3-4 months, several talks of vacations and life plans, you meet his friends and he meets yours… But then his texts become less frequent and he doesn’t return your Snapchats. When he used to be the first person to like your photos on Instagram, he now doesn’t even watch your stories. You give him ways out or opportunities to communicate about whats going on but he takes three days to answer a text. Finally, from a friend you find out that he’s back on Tinder and Bumble. He’s taking girls on dates even though he asked you to be committed to only him. He’s forgotten all about you and he just doesn’t have the guts to say.
I always return to dating in the city because I’m looking for connection and love. Dating in the city is already so hard but try adding anxiety, depression, and PTSD into the mix. Sometimes, I get really sad about my love life but then I remember how much I’ve gone through and how much good will happen and I choose to let go of any grief or disappointment. If I can go through ALL of that and still persist in this love-crazed world, I think I’m doing alright.
I think if I were to leave you with any advice about dating in the city it would be to go by your own rules.
- Sleep with the guy whenever you feel like it. If he doesn’t text you back or he postpones your dates, it says more about him than you.
- Text him first! It’s so “taboo” but if he gets insecure or weirded out that you’re the first to message, that shows something about his maturity.
- Go on multiple dates with multiple people. Think of it as practice for when you meet “the one.”
- Approach guys at bars. Its ballsy, I love it and I think they secretly love it too.
That’s all for now but I guarantee a month from now, I’ll have another dating story or two.